Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
