i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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