She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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