Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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