I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
