I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
