the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
