She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
