I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
