I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
