People with herpes should wear stickers.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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