Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
