I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's shark week go big or go home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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