Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please don't give away my fajitas
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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