Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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