i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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