Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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