is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
