I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
