I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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