just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
