just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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