I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
