She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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