Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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