if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
