my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
