Where is the hickey?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
