TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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