my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
