He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
