When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP