I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize