The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.