It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.