Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.