so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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