She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
