my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
