3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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