one word: firstdatebathroomanal
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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