The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
