on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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