where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
