Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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