In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
