Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
