How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
