hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
barbara walters just said penis...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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