I think I won the penis lottery.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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