you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
