Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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