you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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