you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
