week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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