I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
