i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
