Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
