I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
