I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
