I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
