I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
