dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
