Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
