Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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