I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
