well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
