On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the condom got lost in my hair
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
