My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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