I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
