We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
