Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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