Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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