Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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